


This Music Lacks Its Composer (And Its Fraying At The Seams)

by StorytellerSecrets



Category: King Falls AM (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Drabble, Gay Male Character, Gen, LGBTQ Themes, Panic Attacks, Problems, Sammy Needs a Hug, Self-Care issues, Self-Worth Issues, Vomiting, emetophobia warning, hug him, identity crisis, problematic faves, self-neglect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-20 11:10:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16136009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StorytellerSecrets/pseuds/StorytellerSecrets
Summary: "Who is Sammy Stevens?"He sees it, etched into the notebook paper so deeply it’s near damned imprinted itself on the covers, and he knows the answer without a pause for commercial.





	This Music Lacks Its Composer (And Its Fraying At The Seams)

**Author's Note:**

> Please Enjoy The Fic!

“Who is Sammy Stevens?” He sees it, etched into the notebook paper so deeply it’s near damned imprinted itself on the covers, and he knows the answer without a pause for commercial. Sammy Stevens is a terrible, horrible, rotten, no-good loser of a friend because while Ben was looking day-in and day-out for the love of his life here he is getting pissed over some words on a notebook. (And doesn’t that just go to show how little he cares about finding the ones he loves?)

What a petty, stupid, horrible person he is to get so worked up over a simple question. Honestly, it’s one he’s surprised Ben hadn’t asked already (god knows he still doesn’t know the answer). He’d told Ben next to nothing about his life, straining so hard to avoid any discussion about life before King Falls, that he knew it was bound to come up eventually.

So why the fuck did it hurt so damn much?

He _knew_ Ben was desperate for any leads. He’d known that. And then he’d disregarded it and acted like that one line in his best friend’s notebook was a personal assault. He’d acted like Ben was the one hurting him when he’d stood up and yelled, screamed, and walked out on his best friend because of a sentence.

And then, after he’d apologized and Ben had shrugged it off as though it wasn’t a big deal, he felt even worse. Because Ben was the greatest thing to ever happen to him, and he knew that it was just a matter of time before he ruined him or finally drove Ben off for good. He knew it’d be better for everyone when that time came, but he was so damn selfish he couldn’t help but dread it.

Now, with one hand holding his hair back and the other fumbling uselessly at his side, he hurled the contents of yesterday’s breakfast into the toilet (he’d been so busy trying to think of the things he needed to do that he’d forgotten to do most of them, eating and checking his emails being only a couple among many) because he’d messed up (again).

He’d looked at what Ben was doing and how far he’d come and at what he was about to do and he’d panicked because if Ben was gone then he’d have nothing left (not that he wouldn’t have deserved that). And while he was having a freak out Ben and Troy and Mary were out there risking their lives to save Emily (and Tim, not that anyone knew that at the time).

He was always so damn useless.

After that, he was grateful, but he hadn’t apologized. He was going to, but one look at Ben’s tired face left the words clinging to the back of his throat. One more look, this time directed at Troy, who was still sore and tired from the rescue, and he’d excused himself to the bathroom, eyes burning and bile building in the back of his throat. Ben hadn’t told him what was happening because he couldn’t trust him, just like he hadn’t told him about the notebook or about—well, about a lot of things, really. And that wasn’t Ben’s fault, he knew it. The fault was in him.

God, if he could just be _better_ . He tried, so damn hard, but it was never enough. _He_ was never enough. He wasn’t reliable enough, he wasn’t strong enough, he wasn’t enough at all and he never would be. Ben should just do the world a favor and cut him out of the show altogether.

Of course, that wouldn’t happen. He was _Sammy Stevens_ , after all, and the universe found joy in watching him make other people suffer.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!


End file.
